I know this isn’t my usual kind of content, but this time 2 years ago I was freaking out about my boyfriend and I going to different Universities and how it was going to affect our relationship. So I thought I would put some advice out there for anyone else that’s worrying about it.
We got together in college and at the start would mention to eachother that we would probably have to break up before Uni, like that was the normal and obvious thing to do. As things got more serious, we started looking at Unis close to eachother, but ultimately ended up taking a gap year to go travelling together. We made it through travelling, which was basically annoying the crap out of eachother everyday for 3 months straight, somehow still wanting to be together so then came the next big challenge for life to throw our way…Uni.
Our Unis aren’t too far away from eachother, but the atrocity that is the British railway, especially when it comes to Brighton, made it a 2 and a half hour journey without delays….I don’t think either of us have ever experienced that journey without delays.
Being away from eachother at Uni is hard and I don’t think I’ve ever cried as much in my life as during my first year. Seriously, I reckon I cried less as a baby. BUT, I hate the fact so many people think they need to break up with thier significant other before Uni just because it’s what you’re “supposed to do”. I’ve met people who did that and were absolutely miserable because of it. SO if you’re about to start Uni or you’re going back after summer, this is how you can help your relationship while you’re apart.
First of all, it’s really important to step back and assess if both of you are happy. There’s no point in trying to salvage a relationship you straight just don’t want to be in. If you geniunely think you would be happier going through the Uni experience being single then it’s important you understand your feelings and communicate them to your partner. They may be feeling the same way and you’ve ended naturally without wasting any time or hurting eachother’s feelings
Freshers week is super fun and you shouldn’t be missing out because your partner wouldn’t like it. You also shouldn’t be feeling jealous about them going out and having a good time. Communicate with eachother about where you’re going and what you’re doing before you go out just so the other person isn’t worrying and try keep in contact, but don’t sit on your phone the whole night 😉
3. Communication is key
Don’t just facetime them crying for hours…which I probably did a few times…sorry Jay. If you talk to your partner and friends about how you’re feeling it helps you to deal with your emotions. Don’t fall into a habit of not talking your partner or not replying for ages because that could make them feel lonely and unwanted. Just keep eachother up to date on your course and your societies and new friends you’ve made and be honest about your feelings. Just because you’re not together in the room doesn’t mean it’s good to hide things, it’s important to be as open as possible about your feelings. Technology nowadays means this is the best time ever for a long distance relationship to last because you can message and facetime easily so don’t take that for granted!
Plan the next weekend you’ll be seeing eachother in advance so you have something to look forward to! And make it fun!!! Try find fun things to do in these new places you’re living in so that you don’t spend the time thinking about how much you missed them and how much you’re going to. Go on dates and enjoy your time visiting the other person so that the long journey doesn’t start to turn into a chore further into the year
5. Take it into perspective
Most Uni courses only have about 7 months of the year where you’ll be working. There’s a lot of time off for holidays that you can maximise seeing eachother in. That’s definetly hard to think about when you’re stuck in the slump of being down and missing your partner, but it’s important to keep in mind
6. Be kind
Uni is a difficult time for lots of people. You are bound to start feeling stressed, anxious, sad at some point about this new way of life and all the responsibilities you have. It’s important not to take this out on your partner when you see them and to remember that if they’re at Uni too, they’re most likely in the same boat (that’s why being honest is so important).
7. Don’t make excuses
If you’re sat there really making excuses to not go see your partner… maybe you need to turn back to number 1. But, if you’re worrying about having to do work while you’re together or how long the train journey is or how much money you spend when together, honestly just don’t. Make sure you get your work done of course, but doing work is always nicer if someone is there to have a little coffee break with if it’s a managable amount. Don’t worry about money too much because what’s a better way for it to be spent than having a lovely time with the person you love?
8. Don’t push anything
If the other person really is absolutely SWAMPED with work or revision, don’t pressure them on coming to see you or you going there. It’s hard when you’re in the moment to see but time flys really quickly and a skipped weekend will pass really quickly. It’ll be a bit rubbish at the time but you’ll both be grateful you took it when it was needed
9. Show them their importance
It’s easy for one of you to feel a little pushed into the background when you’ve had such a big change in your life, so make sure to let them know every now and again how special they are to you. Maybe book dinner at a nice resturant or get them a litle gift. Hang out with their new friends they’ve made while you’re there so you aren’t separated from their Uni life and then you’ll know who they’re talking about all the time. Also, sometimes Jay ordered a deliveroo to my address for me while we weren’t together and honestly it was the best thing ever sooo just giving you that example
10. Talk about the future
Try not to get lost in a magical fantasy of the future, but talking about it lets you both know your intentions of staying together through Uni. It’s only a few years of your life and if you can get through it together, it proves you’re a strong match and a great team and you should be proud of yourselves
If you’ve read these tips and reckon you and your partner could manage this then give your relationship the shot it deserves. Having a partner you love and have a great connection with doesn’t need to be thrown away for your education, you can 100% have both if you both work hard and want it to work. So pleaseeeee don’t listen to anyone who says you HAVE to go to Uni single. You can still have an amazing time and make great friends while having a relationship. I saw so much sonline making me doubt our decision to stay together when we were first going to Uni, but now, I couldn’t be happier we didn’t call it quits and that we worked through the tough times together. I hope this lengthy post helped someone out there